i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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