So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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