haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
