There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
