are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
