Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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