you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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