He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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