she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
