Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
its liver damage thursday
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
