a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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