my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
