How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
