i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
