What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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