I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
