I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
