you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
