she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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