It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
