I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we're making bets on your personal life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
