why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
