What did we do last night that was yellow?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
