Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
