I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
