I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I understand Curling. That high.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
