if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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