Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
