you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
