We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
