I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
