I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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