She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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