i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
