Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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