You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
