Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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