i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
