She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
