Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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