Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
