Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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