yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
