i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
