CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
