im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
