I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
