hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
