His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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