This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
